every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
