my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
