okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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