then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Shame - the story of my life.
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