My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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