He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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