how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
