a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
