sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
false alarm. still invincible.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
