I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
