We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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