theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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