i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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