I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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