my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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