Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
