worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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