Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
