Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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