She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
