dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
