He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
