You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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