the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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