That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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