So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
