I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
