There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
