Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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