btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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