quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
