So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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