You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
