So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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