Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
