Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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