I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
