sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
