3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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