I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
