D3 body, D1 cock
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
