That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize