you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize