They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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