I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
