You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
