So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
