this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
