was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
