Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
