come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
