Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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