You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The power of my boobs compel you
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
