Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
