please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dignity is for republicans.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
