Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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