garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize