this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you traded sex for a burrito?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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