But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize