i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
