i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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