it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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