i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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