Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
