I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
