you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
