i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize