**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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