Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
