woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
