I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
