I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize