Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
