If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
