Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
