my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize