If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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