Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
